Instruments of Torture.

Yesterday morning at 9am, i was waiting for almost 15 mins for a local train to arrive. For those who commute daily know how crowded central suburbs of the city are around this time of the day! 

I saw a man lying almost unconscious on the platform. His pair of clothes were extremely dirty. He had not worn any footwear. Besides him sat a woman, in squatting position mostly his wife in an equally dirty saree and shabby looks. It seemed as if her hair were not made since months. Besides them was a big plastic vessel in which few clothes were tied n may be a plastic bag of eatables. I couldn't understand the language in which the woman spoke but could certainly make out she was yelling. Within no time she removed the her chappals n started hitting the man quite violently. Then with her hands she hit him on his head. Lifted his head with her hands n hit it back on the floor.It was quite a violent scene for me to keep observing it hence i turned my face the other side but could still hear her beating him. He would try and defend himself but perhaps was not conscious enough to retaliate. To my surprise the men standing on the platform were laughing seeing this.! " Hahaha saala biwi se pit raha hai."
Some men where watching it with interest and curiosity while few others ignoring it and deeply sunk in their financial dailies. 

A thought just passed my mind. What would have been the scene had it been the other way round. As in the woman lying almost unconscious and a constantly yelling man hitting her publicly for 15 mins. ( May be more than 15 mins, bcz i boarded a local when the scene was still on) This would have instantly generated pity for the woman being hit within the crowd. Some other women on the platform would have rushed to her aid. No sooner the police would have arrived. Above all there would have been a great sense of sympathy for that woman being hit.
Then why was the man being hit was laughed at? No other person on platform seemed even sympathetic towards the man. Well I did feel sympathetic but sadly neither did I do anything n just watched it happen.
I stood there silently just observing it all and getting impatient to know how ideally I should react in such situations.

The obvious arguments placed by many of my friends was he must be a drunkard, he must have tortured his wife etc. But in my opinion violence in any case is violence unless it is used for self defence.
Being a woman myself I totally understand how over the years the fairer sex has suffered and is still suffering bcz of her being less physically strong.! 
But what surprises me is why only a man is blamed each time.. I have seen soooo many many women being extremely manipulative and actually ruining a man emotionally. And emotional violence is afterall no less than being victim to physical violence.!

There are so many men too who get raped but it never gets the same publicity as violence against women gets. No doubt the proportion of women being tortured is still much higher but sad that men amongst themselves seem so unaffected by the violence their fellow men face and don't have the courage to fight against it.! 

After all it's not just women but even men who are instruments of torture.! 

It's all about being Happy!!

Just like every Indian kid, I grew up in a typical Indian family which has a deep rooted belief system, which takes immense pride in being an Indian, part of an ancient and rich culture. The kith and kin encompassing me were similar to almost every Indian household  that i have observed so far, who consider their religion the best, specifically the sect to which they belong as superior and traditions they follow beyond compare, who constantly criticise the western culture for being festering, sex smoking and cigars as the supreme most sins and disrespect for western women because they dint know how to respect their bodies! And ultimate fantasy to see their kids become doctors or engineers!!

Till quite a long stage in my life I believed all of the above to be the ultimate truth. Not because it was what I felt from my heart but it is what the elders in my family believed.! For kids the words spoken by teachers, parents, elders are gospel. 

At each stage of my life I got a chance to experiment each of these beliefs which I had chosen to imbibe in me as a kid. 

I distinctly remember in my school days how I took pride in being a Hindu and how I would debate with my friends in break time about the superiority of the culture with my friends from different races. I could sense that same pride in them as well. It seemed that non of us even had the knowledge of what we spoke but our conversations were just based on what we heard at home and our places of worship. Though debate used be pretty light and not serious but it did lay a seed of doubt abt my superiority over them. Today I laugh at how secretly in my heart i would sympathise my classmates bcz they weren't part of a superior clan.! 

By the time I reached my higher school thankfully  I realised for myself that my friends from different backgrounds were just the same as I was. But then a new belief system was taking birth within me. Academically I have been an average student myself. I was quite in awe of the students who had good grades and toppers in school. Teachers respected them. My mother would ask me, why i wasnt friends with them? I felt that they were superior to me since they enjoyed all the lime light in school. I thought ideally all students should just inspire to be like them. This belief got carried forward with me to college as well. 

I see my college days as the best days so far because in those five years my wheels of fundamental thinking began to churn. I had v good friends who were extremely studious and also few closest buddies who struggled hard with their kts! I got chance to work on my college projects with boys who were grossly focused on their careers and others who loved to hang out, roam aimlessly. I got chance to get close to friends who would smoke, drink and some even atheists. I saw few love relationships blossom in my group and witnessed few fake relations which eventually broke off, Sum friends were shy, sum snobbish, sum helpful, sum selfish. 

I was still the one who took pride in being a desi indian girl. Since childhood i grew up listening that being a religious person, following rituals, not smoking or to put it  in short being desi was being good. Being a good girl brought happiness. While being anything other than good is source of sorrow.!

Then why were my friends who weren't worried about their careers still so happy?why where those girls in skimpy clothes and hanging around with multiple boys still such sweet as humans? why were those guys who smoked still decent to be with? why were those college toppers so selfish? Why in my heart i respected guys and girls who spoke slangs? Shouldn't they be tagged as just confused Indians who blindly ape the west.! 

And the most important question of them all, if they all were so different from what ideally society expects out from them, why are they so happy? And I am so much living my life like an ideal girl but WHY AM I NOT HAPPY? Sadly I learnt this at quite a later stage in life. But better late than never.

My search for an answer to that important question finally ended within me. When all my childhood learnt beliefs where shaken and thrown out from my mind what dawned in me was the real me. I realised that each soul in this world is searching for happiness. Religions have defined their set of rules, when followed ensures heaven which is nothing but happiness. Our elders care for us and hence try and enforce their views bcz eventually they wish to see us happy.! We as individuals try and ape others who look happy for that seems an assured path to ecstasy. 

But the truth is no religion on earth, nor any society, neither any culture, nor our own family can draw a happiness map for us. All they can do is be a helping hand at times.! But you are the rider of your own chariot. Depending on others views without applying your own radical thinking, without introspecting what really makes you happy, without seeking the ultimate truth in you...... How can one ever be happy? 

And finally life is all about being happy.! 

Being blissful.!